I tried repeating the technical words that my best friend Anna from the other department had helped me learn as fast as I could before we reached the examination hall. Other major papers of mine weren’t the toughest to learn but you did need a piece of mind to adapt the language of a major from another department (which had to be done). Anna had helped her poor mate from English department as much as she could but that didn’t mean her mate could promise her a paper full of answers sorry!
We rushed into the class and found most of the seats occupied already. Anna gave me a good-luck smile before she placed herself amongst her classmates. I wandered a while, and finally found a blissful seat under the fan accompanied by the window.
And that’s a jackpot, I proclaimed, and took the seat with a huge smile. Finding the seat with the perfect space and air-conditions has always been a prayer for an examination day. I always believed that I would manage the exam well when placed with good seating arrangements.
Few of the seats surrounding me were unfilled, and the teacher wasn’t so happy with that. She quickly pointed out to the girls from the back and asked them to take those seats around me. A mob of students from the other departments swarmed to find their seats. And she was one among them.
She looked around for a seat without much notice on my presence. Her posh strides took a halt near my chair. I carefully looked at her eyes fixed on the fast-moving ceiling fan. Her eyes twinkled as she walked to the empty seat right before me. No wonder, everybody prefers having the machine wings closer to them during summer. Relaxing in her new place, she stretched herself and then placed her writing pens beside her.
My heart started pounding as it felt heavy, looking at her back rest peacefully on the chair. Who would have expected such a situation during exam!
Nature wasn’t going easy on me as well. The skies gradually opened to shower her with sunrays, and her golden brown hair as it shone had never looked so perfect. With papers before me, I did nothing most of the time but steal glances of the beautiful sight in front of me.
Surprisingly, I wasn’t as nervous as I used to be. I didn’t hide myself or take deep breaths or divert my thoughts or feel guilty – but adored on how beautiful my former friend looked.
Yes, I still remembered the day she wanted to end everything between us – our togetherness, our love, our friendship – everything.
I had so much to say, so much to explain, but you decided to shut me down. It wasn’t your fault I know. Because all you had wanted to do was to hold my hands during the darkest times and be by my side. Maybe I understand but I have my reasons too. You were one of the most perfect friends I had had and I was scared to let you go. I built a wall so you don’t have to carry me because you were so special and I only wanted to give you happiness. Maybe I decided that having me around you will make you feel heavy.
“Fifteen minutes more”, the teacher’s alarm brought me back as I saw her fingers linger with her hair out of boredom.
How badly I wanted to grab your shoulders and shout at your face, “Do you miss me too?”
Did she know that she is still a starlight in my life? That I want to walk the same paths of life together? To bring back all those days, all those hours she valued me? That I still wanted to be her crazy friend who makes her laugh every second?
Will she ever know that I walked away because she was more important to me than I was to myself?
Because walking away is writing a letter of love without a signature.
Special thanks to Bhavini who helped me a lot in editing this piece.
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